Just breathe
by Xelako
Summary: Cristina left him, it has been a busy week and his nightmares weren't helping him at all. Will she ever come back or will he go looking for her? Other characters mentioned, mostly Crowen. Medical cases, romance, PTSD, humor and more! Basically this is my own season 11.
1. Chapter 1

His platoon was currently deployed near a hot zone. They were practically safe until the radio called for medical aid and he went of running with 2 more soldiers towards the nearest car. The med bay was 5 minutes from where the call had come from and he hopped that those 5 minutes were enough for that man. 5 minutes later they saw white smoke coming from a building, the area was silent and there was a smell like burning metal in the air. They carefully entered the building, one at a time. They walked on the balls of their feet and made sure not to step on anything that's could make any noise. They got to second floor where they heard a moaning. They entered a room with its door on the floor, assault rifles pointed out. They found 4 men, 2 dead and 2 injured. There had been a bomb and one of the men had holes everywhere. A trauma surgeon's dream. Owen quickly went to that man and asked one of the soldiers to use the door to carry the man out of the building. The other man could walk with assistance and had lesser injuries.

The man was bleeding and his limbs where barely attached to the body, hanging on by threads. Major Owen hunt started patching the wounds on the way to the base but the man was losing too much blood. He clamped where he though necessary and patched everything else. That's when he ran out of patches and there was nothing to use as a makeshift patch. He used his own body to press on the holes and keep the blood for exiting the body. They got to the base and quickly staring operating on the man.

He couldn't get all the blood off his uniform. Try as he might it was red, tainted with gore. His hands and arms where bloodstained and he scrubbed them to no avail. He started breathing harder and scrubbing harder. But the blood wouldn't come out. It wouldn't come out. His hands where bloodstained. It wouldn't come out.

Owen woke up clutching the sheets so hard that his nails bit into the skin of his hands. His chest was tight and he heard nothing but his heartbeat. His jaw was clenched and he tried to breathe normally but his chest muscles were so tight his lungs wouldn't expand. Owen remembered his first panic attack at the hospital and how Cristina had hugged him.

"I'm applying pressure to relax your sympathetic system" He grabbed one of his pillows and held on to it, crushing it with his arms and hiding his face in it.

"It will decrease your metabolic rate, you will feel more panic coming towards you. You'll try to resist it. You'll try to resist it..." He left out a weak moan as he tried to gasp for air. He shut his eyes to stop tears from running down his cheeks. He focused on the sound of his heart beat and on getting his breathing back to normal. He sobbed into the pillow, making no sound as he still had his pride and a slight control over his voice.

* * *

"What do you want me to do?" Shouted Derek from the other side of the kitchen "Do you want me to call the president and tell him I won't take the best offer of my life-"

"Exactly Derek! Your life! It's always about your career and what you need" Meredith whispered as she worked on preparing a bottle for little Bailey while preparing breakfast for Zola before she woke up. "I don't want to leave Seattle!"

"It has never been only about me Meredith, never think of it like that." He got closer to her so that she could hear him without waking up the kids. He heard Bailey crying from upstairs and Meredith grabbed the bottle and walked away.

"Finish preparing her breakfast" she said before leaving Derek alone in the kitchen.

* * *

"Doctors today we are taking care of a very delicate patient, if your stomach is not strong then leave" Jackson stood with Callie in front of a group of interns and residents. Jackson and Callie led the group to room 374. There was a man older than 60 that looked pretty normal expect when you looked at his whole face. There was a white patch covering his left side and his eye.

"Good morning Mr. Brown" Callie stood next to him and his wife. "Mr. Brown lost half of his face and skull due to cancer, he is now cancer free." Callie nodded while looking at Mr. Brown. He took off the patch carefully revealing first the cavity where his eye used to be and then removed the patch on his cheek. His tongue was moving because he lacked half of the upper part of his mandible and nose. You could literally see the inner part of his nose and how it connected with his throat. The interns and resident all tried not to make any facial expressions, but they couldn't help but look with interest and eagerness.

"Mr. Brown has come to us to help him get his face back" Jackson looked at the doctors and crossed his arms" any suggestions?" Every single hand went up. "I like your enthusiasm, but you'll have to tell me tomorrow" the doctors lowered their hands "one of you take Mr. Brown to get his scans" he placed a hand on his shoulder "I'll see you later Mr. Brown" he nodded and started replacing the patches.

Jackson and Callie exited the room, Mrs. Brown followed them out.

"Dr. Avery, Dr. Torres!" She called after them "thank you so much for what you are doing." Avery smiled at her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We haven't done anything yet" he said the word 'yet' with extra force.

"Oh no you have" she let out a breath she didn't knew she was holding "13 other doctors had rejected us, telling us his age was considerable risk factor and and and I" she stuttered and apologized to them. Callie smiled reassuringly and looked her in the eye.

"We will not reject you Mrs. Brown, we will do anything in our power to help your husband." Mrs. Brown smiled and hugged wildly before returning to her husband.

"See that's the good thing about plastics" Jackson said before smiling. Callie laughed at his statement and rolled her eyes.

"Please Avery" she laughed again "I make people walk and build legs and arms from scratch! I'm a God Avery" Jackson rose his eyebrows and saw her walk away with grace while he stood there looking at her.

"What was that all about?" Asked a female voice behind him.

"Edwards what are you doing here" he asked still confused about what just happened.

"I'm in your-"

"Yes I remember" Jackson interrupted her and quickly motioned for her to follow him. She did after brushing off her shock.

* * *

"Charge 200! Clear" Owen shocked his patient down in the ER and received no response "Charge 300, clear" he shocked him again and received a pulse "Great let's take him up to the OR" he hadn't lost a single patient that day. A bunch of kids got into their cars and wanted to race each other and crashed. 4 cars where somehow involved filling up the ER pretty quickly. Apart from superficial wounds and a sprained ankle, one of the cars became completely wrecked and the fire squad to get in and get the 2 reaming kids out. One had a pretty nasty head injury that Dr. Shepherd was taking care of upstairs and the other had a piece of glass poking out of his chest.

"OR 2 is free to use Dr. Hunt" a nurse informed him as he got into the elevator.

"Great page Dr. Bailey or Dr. Grey to OR 2" the nurse nodded and went to her station.

* * *

Meredith was paged and she met Owen in the scrub room. No words were exchanged because Owen didn't gave her a chance to speak. They spent 1 hour in surgery until she decided to break the silence.

"Hey"

"Hey" he answered with unease.

"How are you?" She tried to look at him in the eye, but he was simply too focused on what he was doing.

"I'm great" he said clearly not meaning it.

"Have you spoken with her?" She saw his hands freeze for a moment and she wished she hadn't asked for a second.

"Have you?" She noticed how he answered with a question.

"No" she noticed how he looked at her for the first time during the conversation. "We haven't been able to speak, clamp... suction, just voice mails" he nodded, he had only sent her one voice mail after she left. It was the most painful voice mail he had ever sent. "Okay, I'm done here" Meredith left her scalpel on the tray "I would stay until you close but I have another surgery in an hour" he nodded and she exited the OR.

* * *

"Someone go get Hunt!" Avery was sitting in a conference room with the other board members "This meeting is supposed to be important." He sighed and scratch his neck in exasperation.

"He is not responding his pages so he must be in surgery" offered Arizona holding Callie's hand.

"He is not in surgery, I checked the board" said Derek "he must be sleeping in his office with his pager off"

"Can someone please go get him?" Avery pleaded.

"Why can't you go?" Mocked Callie. Meredith felt that the tension was about to turn into an argument so she offered to go find him. She went straight to his office and opened the door only to find him sleeping on the couch. She was about to touch him when she noticed rapid eye movement beneath his eyelids. That meant he had a nightmare and he would probably respond violently to being awaken. She hesitated and looked around the room. She saw a small white ball with the name of the hospital and took a couple of steps back from him.

"Owen" she called gently "Owen wake up" he didn't wake up "Owen!" She raised her voice and he jerked a bit in his sleep. Meredith sighed and threw the ball, she had aimed for his arm but instead hit him in the face. Owen woke up with a start, his arm lashing out by instinct and hitting the space where Meredith used to be a couple of seconds ago. He was breathing hard as he sat up. "Owen it's okay"

"No it's not" he couldn't look her in the eye, people always told him how emotional his eyes were "I shouldn't even be sleeping here" he looked at Meredith "why are you here?"

"We have a board meeting right now" she saw him stand up and open the door for her.

"Then let's hurry"

"Owen" Meredith looked at his blue eyes trying to read him "are you okay?"

"Yes let's go" Meredith nodded feeling his anger and quickly exited the office. They both entered the meeting room and saw everyone either trying to sleep or in their own phones.

"Finally!" Callie raised her head from the table "let's do this quickly"

"Right" said Avery after Owen and Meredith sat down "we have a spare space on the board and-" Callie quickly interrupted him by raising her hand.

"Isn't Karev the new board member?"

"Why Karev?" Asked Jackson "he doesn't even work here."

"Well he keeps showing up every now and them to do surgeries and consults in peds" offered Arizona with a smile.

"And Cristina left all the paperwork for being a board member to him before she left" said Meredith trying to gauge Owen's reactions. He simply looked at the table for a while before turning his attention to Jackson.

"So it's set!" Owen clapped his hands together and started to stand up.

"No, no" Jackson motioned for everyone to sit down "we have not discussed this correctly"

"Raise your hands all in favor of Karev being a board member" Callie basically screamed as she raised her hand. All except for Jackson and Arizona. Callie saw she was about to raise it and murmured something about a shower to make her raise her hand fully.

"Oh look at that" cooed Arizona "All but one hand raised up!"

"Ok" Jackson sighed "did no one ever considered Bailey for the seat?" He asked exasperated.

"Why? Did anyone said anything to her about the free spot" Asked Derek wanting nothing but going home to sleep.

"Webber did. So someone is going to have to tell about it and that's not going to be me" everyone winced and shook their heads and looked at Jackson with pained expressions.

"She could learn about by herself" murmured Callie.

"And her wrath fall upon us all with a heat that burns like the fire of hell" Meredith stood up and left with Derek.

"She is not the kind of person you say no to" Owen stood up and left. Jackson looked at Arizona and she shook her head with a grimace and fled the room with Callie.

* * *

**Tell me if you liked it! (edited version)**


	2. Chapter 2

We are all insane in our own way, of course some are crazier than others. Insanity is just a word used to describe a relatively permanent disorder of the mind. So, when does our own insanity become an illness of the mind? When do we need to tackle it down with a good therapist and support? The question "when?" is the question of the year. But, he was fine. He didn't have any problems. Yes, he admitted he had some problems with his sleeping patterns, but who didn't! Everyone has their own nightmares... albeit those probably didn't force a panic attack to rise from the deepest parts of his mind. He was fine. He had work to do... piles of it in front of his desk. He shouldn't be thinking about anything else but work. Work. Work. Work.

Beep beep beep

Owen heard a beeping sound coming from somewhere under the shitloads of paperwork on his desk. He gently, but hurriedly, brushed apart the papers until he found his pager. He grabbed it and ran to the ER.

* * *

"Male, 46. Several gunshot wounds to the chest and left arm." Said one of the paramedics while pushing the gurney. "He crashed once on the ambulance but he is stable" as if on cue his heart monitor started beeping like crazy.

"He is V-FIB!" He grabbed the paddles a nurse was offering "charge 250... clear!" After a while his monitor went back to normal. The nurses pulled him into a room where Jo was waiting for them. They wheeled the patient inside where Jo began counting the bullet wounds. They held the patient on his side to keep track of the exit wounds of the bullets on his chest.

"There's no exit wound to the chest, just the arm" called Jo prodding the skin around the bullet's exit wound "looks like a clean exit"

"Get an X-ray in here!" Yelled Owen, a nurse gave him a metal plate to place under the patient while taking the scan. He stopped the bleeding partially with Jo's help and yelled to a nurse "Ok let's get an OR"

"Right away Chief" Owen and Jo started running with the gurney to an elevator.

"Chief I think the bullet is lodged near the heart"

"You think or you know Willson?" Snapped Owen.

"I ah I know it's near the heart" Owen nodded.

"Page cardio and get me those scans quickly, you're scrubbing in Willson." The elevator came to a stop and Owen and Jo ran to the scrub room.

* * *

It turned out it almost hit the heart but the heart wasn't really affected at all, so cardio just left as fast as they came.

"Have you ever taken a man's bullet outside of his chest Willson?" Owen looked at Willson. She new whatever she said next was important.

"No sir, but I'd like to do it" ok she could have said something better. She relaxed when Owen smiled.

"Well you are about to" he took out his hands and set his instruments on a tray.

* * *

"It's right by the heart!" Owen yelled while cracking open a chest that belonged to a young private. He was not in a OR but at a makeshift ER outside a plundered medical base with 2 ORs barely standing. "Someone get me Teddy!" He yelled at a nurse that was on fetch duty

"She is in surgery Major Hunt" a nurse who was helping him answered hurriedly.

"Damn it... I'll do it then. Is there an OR?" The nurse shook her head "he can't wait any longer, scalpel" he opened his chest and cut his flesh until he found the bullet poking the heart, literally holding the heart together. He didn't take it out because the bullet fell deeper into the heart, rupturing the walls and killed the man.

Owen woke up panting and breathing rapidly to steady his heart rate. He took a swig from his mug and relaxed after a while. He was in his desk, working, he should keep working. Work means no sleep. No sleep is good.

* * *

Meredith was walking slowly through the halls when someone pulled her inside an on-call room. She was about to slap the person when she realized it was actually Derek.

"Derek! Why are we here?" There was a time where they didn't have to ask each other why he had pulled her into an on-call room. She tried no to show the sadness that her thoughts just caused her and tried to keep a stern look.

"I just wanted to talk" Meredith glared and tried to get out of the room, Derek held her arm gently and turned her towards his body. "Please Meredith" she stared deep into his blue eyes and nodded slowly.

"This is exhausting" she murmured while looking down, Derek brushed her cheek lightly and held her chin to make her look at him.

"I know... and your eyes are doing that sparkly thing" he smiled slightly.

"It's not my fault that my eyes have a certain shine in them" she smiled back.

"What if I left for a moment to try to convince them of letting me stay here?" Derek cupped her cheek and looked at her with sad eyes.

"They won't like it... and the chances of you staying there after you go are" Derek placed a finger on her lips.

"They either let me keep it all here or there'll be no Derek Shepherd for them... I've always wanted to do that" he removed his finger from her lips.

"Do what?" She asked a bit confused. Had he always wanted to tell someone to let him do whatever they want or what?

"Shush you with my finger" Meredith couldn't help but giggle, he smiled at having her laugh again. Meredith sneaked her arms around his waist.

"I feel like I'm keeping you back" she whispered with her face resting on his shoulder.

"There's nothing else I'd like to do but be here with you" he hugged her back.

"Well now that that's settled we could use this on-call room" she started kissing his neck gently.

"I like how you think" he picked her up and kissed her with passion. He walked until they were with her back against the wall and her legs wrapped around his waist.

* * *

"April what do we have here?" Owen entered the Pit and saw Kepner patching up a man with several cuts in Trauma Room 2.

"Man vs chainsaw accident, I'm guessing 4 cracked ribs" an intern came near them "get me an x-ray scanner... he could have inner bleeding"

"Good job Dr. Kepner" they took the scans "well only the spleen was damaged, let's take him upstairs."

"Excuse me Dr. Hunt... but aren't you supposed to be home resting"

"Yeah but the pit is busy" he unlocked the wheels and started to push the gurney to the elevator.

"But Dr. Hunt..." She couldn't finish her sentence because Owen gave her the kind of look that clearly tells you to back off and mind your own business.

"I can sleep here if needed Kepner" Owen snapped at April. He pushed the gurney without help towards the elevator. Kepner stood there in shock after actually remembering to run after him before he gets in the elevator.

They found wood splinters inside the man's chest and had to take out every single splinter and clean everything else. They had spent one hour of doing just that after removing his spleen. Owen suddenly yawned slowly and took his hands out of the man's chest. Nothing bad happened, so April decided not to stress herself about it. Stress was not good for the baby. Owen yawned again and kept working this time.

"When was the last time you slept?" Asked April carefully.

"This afternoon" answered Owen with a cold stare.

"Glare at me all you want" April glared at him for a moment before returning to taking out splinters "but you look like you haven't slept well in a week"

"Dr. Kepner" Owen raised his voice "your job is to worry about the patient in this table, whose wife is worried sick about him. This patient needs a doctor that is focused on him and not on another doctor's wellness" while he barked at her, he didn't look at her in the eye.

April had the urge to drop everything and slam the door on the way out, but she knew better. He needed help and she was going to give it to him.

"I'm sorry for shouting... I'll go home after this"

April did not respond, she just nodded. She was feeling angry and needed to show it somehow, so she didn't speak to him for 1 more hour and basically fled the scrub room after he entered trying to speak with her.

* * *

He did go home, well it wasn't his home it was Derek's trailer but still. He took off all his clothes and laid in the bed in boxers and a shirt. He couldn't help but try to stay awake, but Kepner was right he did need sleep. He was so tired that he drifted off fairly quickly.

As expected he woke up feeling worse than when he fell asleep after a nightmare where he was somehow operating on himself. He couldn't remember much thanks God, but it still bothered him that he saw himself on the OR table. He laid on his bed for a couple of seconds, just looking at the ceiling and trying to keep his mind blank. But thinking about not thinking is thinking and somewhere on his train of thought he decided to take a shower and go to the hospital. He went right to the Pit and spent most of the day either on the trauma rooms or in the OR, by 7 pm he decided to crash in an on call room.

Meredith choose that moment to find an on-call room to her charts, she would finish them and pick up the kids from the daycare and go home to feed Bailey and clean the bottles. She would make Zola take a bath and try to read a couple of medical journals she had since last month. She would read Zola a story by herself because Derek had a surgery and would be home at 1 am. She was going to start her breast pumps (both at the same time) and then... wait who is sleeping there? Is that Owen? Yup Owen. Meredith decided to wake up and make him go home (trailer) for the night. She left her charts on one of the empty beds and gently touched Owen's arm.

"Owen wake up" she nudged him lightly, barely noticeable but enough to startle Owen. He woke up with a start and grabbed her wrist in a strong grip. "Owen let me go" Meredith suddenly realized how stupid she was by waking him up physically. "Owen!"

He suddenly realized that he was holding Meredith's wrist and let go.

"I'm sorry I ah I" He started looking for words to tell that he was having nightmares again, that his PTSD had gotten worse lately but instead he looked at the red imprint of his fingers in her wrist "I'm so sorry Meredith"

"It's not OK Owen" Meredith said with an angry tone, he looked at her with pained eyes and he felt his own blood leave his body. "It's not, it hasn't been ok since she left usn Owen" Meredith saw him become suddenly angry and she knew that she had hit the right button.

"This is not about her" he said each word carefully and stood up slowly not really trying to intimidate her. He looked down and her and pointed a finger at her. "This is not about her Meredith"

"No? Then what is it about?" He shook his head in disbelief and grabbed his white coat and tie from the hanger. "You basically work every single day with no sleep and when you do sleep it's here or in your office. I heard from the nurses how April forced you to go home and you snapped at her."

"Meredith this isn't your place to..."

"You were my person's person, it is my place Owen. She made me promise not to let you go all dark at twisty while she was gone."

"Meredith I" he tried to speak again but she just wouldn't let him.

"No Owen" she held her hand to stop him from speaking again "I promised her and I will drag you myself to therapy if needed"

"I don't need therapy!" He raised his voice almost to a shout, it was just the tone he used to bark orders at the nurses down in the ER. He placed his tie around his neck and stormed out of the room leaving a stunned Meredith behind.

* * *

**(edited version)**

**Since its summer and I literally have nothing to do I will post next chapter on Friday. **

**P.S. I love reviews**


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all I want to apologize for the whole no dividers problem, every chapter has been edited with the line breakers needed (its way better now with the diveders). Thanks for reading ILY 3**

* * *

"Mr. Brown I'm glad to see you, please lay down" Avery was doing several scans on him today to fully understand the situation at hand.

The scans revealed that he still had most of the masseter muscle. The masseter muscle is the one that connects the jaw with his almost un-existing cheekbone, they would have to reattach the muscle to the new cheekbone. Jackson was looking at the scans in the other side of the glass when Stephanie entered and gave a quick look at the scans.

"Now we just need a cheekbone" murmured Stephanie.

"Edwards why are you here?" Asked Jackson without taking his eyes of the screen.

"I have an idea" Stephanie pulled a chair and sat next to him. Jackson turned to her expectantly with bright eyes. No one had actually come to give him any ideas. Mainly because he had been hiding from anyone that had an "idea".

* * *

Callie was checking on one of her post ops when she received a 911 page from OB. She looked at like it was the ugliest bug ever, full with hairy legs and grey exoskeleton that made you feel like burning down the house. She half ran to the elevator and went to one of the consult rooms. Arizona was there waiting for her with a big smile with another doctor in pink scrubs aka the vagina scrubs as Cristina had once cold them.

"Why was I paged 911?" Asked Callie looking fairly annoyed and curious. Arizona's smile grew even more and she jumped a bit on her chair. Callie looked at the other doctor for an explanation but she just shrugged.

"Good news! We will have a baby!" Arizona stood up and was hugged by Callie, hard.

"We are pregnant?" She asked in disbelief.

"We are! She will be beautiful" Arizona hugged her even harder.

"Or him"

"Or him" agreed Arizona, she pulled away to be able to kiss Callie. "We are definitely going to celebrate" she said after pulling away from Callie and saying goodbye to the doctor. They literally ran to the nearest on-call room where Callie looked the door before taking of Arizona's clothes and throwing them all over the floor.

* * *

Meredith was alone in her bed trying to facetime with Cristina. "Come on Cristiana... pick up your ipad" they had tried to facetime ever since she left for Zurich with no luck. They would always call each other but the other would either be asleep or in surgery or in a board meeting. Cristina had been so busy with managing her own hospital and working on her hearts that she wouldn't even have time to eat or sleep properly. Being 9 hours apart didn't help much either. When Meredith got out of the hospital Cristina would be sleeping or deprived of sleep after a surgery. When Meredith was asleep, Cristina was waking up to go to the hospital. When Meredith was working, Cristina would be working. As expected the call wasn't answered and Meredith decided to go to sleep instead.

* * *

"Good evening Mr. Brown" Jackson entered the room with Callie, Stephanie and all the other doctors.

"I shupose... suppose you have a plan" he held a hand to his patch while trying to speak properly. His lips struggled to position themselves to be able to speak and his tongue needed some pressure to be controlled. Each word was spoken slowly and carefully. His wife smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. It was the sweetest smile ever, filled with love and care. He held her hand and placed it on his chest before letting go. The interns and residents all smiled at them after the small act of love.

"We do actually and you'll have to thank Dr. Edwards for the idea" spoke Callie while Jackson pulled a portable monitor into the room.

"This is your skull" a 3D image of his skull appeared, he missed the lower part of his orbital cavity, his cheekbone and part of his upper jaw. "Dr. Edwards gave us the idea of either doing a cheekbone transplant or 3D printing the bone you are missing."

"Finding a specific donor with the same bone structure as yours would be like finding a needle in a haystack" spoke Callie "we will scan your own right side of your face to have the perfect print for you. The inner structure of your face is far more complicated. We will grow cartilage from scratch to replace the inner walls of your nasal cavity. Cartilage isn't the same texture of the inner walls so it will need to be lubricated constantly with nasal drops." Callie nodded at Jackson who showed the monitor to Mr. Brown. He replaced the missing area with a 3D printed missing part of the skull. Mr. Brown sighed and smiled as best as he could.

"The teeth and the palate will be taken care by Dr. Grassi in a second surgery" said Jackson pointing at a middle aged man with graying hair.

"A second surgery?" Asked Mrs. Brown with a frown, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Unfortunately we cannot place the heart into so much strain with the hours under anesthesia. We are looking at least 3 surgeries here and" Jackson was going to explain other factors before Mrs. Brown interrupted him.

"3 more surgeries? That's just"

"Emily please calm down" Mr. Brown grabbed her hand with both hands without looking at her. "You and I both now this is necessary, for me to look normal again"

"James you know better than others that what's in here doesn't matter" she brushed his right side of the face lightly "I fell in love with what's in here" She placed a hand on his chest "I fell in love with the guy with a savior complex and a prince charming complex"

"I don't have a prince scharming complex" he protested slurring his words a little.

"Yes you do, you are sweet, intelligent and everything else I could've asked for and more" they looked into each other's eyes for a second before turning to Jackson and nodding have him continue.

"We will finish the details of your face during the 3rd surgery" Jackson began again "our options are highly limited. We could us skin grafts but since the area is too large and it is the face I can't guarantee the success. We still need to discuss this with our colleagues"

"Thank you Dr. Avery" said James smiling slightly.

"Thank me later Mr. Brown" they shook hands and the interns and residents started leaving the room. Jo followed Avery and Callie outside

"Dr. Avery, Dr. Torres there's another option I'd like to discuss with you in private"

"I want to hear it too" said Emily behind them.

"Mrs. Brown I" Jo started trying to fix the situation.

"Call me Emily please"

"Emily" said Callie calling her attention "this new option could be not viable and I don't want you getting your hopes up for nothing."

"That won't happen, I'm so close to giving up and so is he, and any sort of hope is welcome"

The doctors looked at each other for what felt like hours until they accepted her decision.

"There's a stem cell research program in Massachusetts General for skin regrowth. It has been used in many cases of injuries but mainly for people with huge perforations that have been negative to their health."

"You mean the big rings that pushes skin apart? I hate it when people do that to themselves." Said Emily angrily and crossing her arms with a frown.

"They dont actually push the skin away but yes those. The research projects started on ears and cheeks. What I'm saying is that we could use this research to grow the missing skin"

"Where did you find this Willson?" Asked Callie.

"Yahoo answers" they all looked at her like she was crazy "My cousin did one of those piercings in his cheek during a party and came to me for help. We googled the whole thing and it sent us to yahoo answers. The doctor that started the research answered a question and he attached a life to his information and we went to Massachusetts Gen to get him fixed."

"Did it work?" Asked Avery.

"Yeah, he has a tiny scar that he covers with his stubble"

"He is able grow hair normally?" Asked Jackson impressed.

"Yes but the doctor didn't know why exactly he was able to grow hair" Jo shrugged.

"Get me the contact information Willson" ordered Jackson.

"Right away" she turned around and walked away.

"Do you think this might work?" Asked Emily with a somehow worried expression.

"Maybe, I'd like to look at all of our options first" Jackson smiled his own charming good boy smile and walked away with Torres.

* * *

"Well then" Owen stood up on his chair after everyone took their seats "today is out first meeting with our new board member" everyone in the room started applauding and cheering at Alex who just sat there awkwardly not really knowing what to do when someone applauds you like that. Much like when people sing happy birthday and you just stay there. So Alex smiled and waited for everyone to shut up. "Since this is a social meeting I brought some cinnamon rolls for you guys since it's so early in the morning." Owen got a white box from a nearby table on the meeting room and a bag with plastic plates and forks that Meredith handed out to anyone that wanted them.

"This are amazing" mumbled Meredith after taking a bite.

"Dude where did you get them?" Alex growled while having his mouth full of heaven.

"Down the street at Le délice" responded Owen half mindedly tugging his tie and slowly chewing his food.

"Ok stop" looking at his watch Jackson frowned "we need to start the meeting, you can eat while solving problems." To show them that it was possible he took a bite of his roll.

"Fine" groaned Callie looking at her notes "the department of dermatology requested a budget rise of 2% to pay for their new equipment."

"Chief!" Holding some fresh scans on her hands, Bailey walked to Webber who was returning a chart to the nurse station. "Mind taking a look" Webber started to turn around to speak to her.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Ch- Woa who is this?" He grabbed the scans and looked at the immense tumor literally wrapped around the small in testing.

"This is Erik Gomez and I need a hand in the OR." Bailey saw his eyes immediately light up with inspiration and she smiled excitedly "thought you could give me a hand"

Meredith literally stared at Owen during the whole meeting. She tried not to look too obvious on her task of course but he still noticed it. Didn't he told her he was fine? He is just sleep deprived and who wasn't sleep deprived in a hospital? Owen shrugged it off and focused on the discussion at hand. Something about budget cuts for the researches.

"This hospital needs to rebuild itself first to-" Jackson was interrupted by Derek.

"Don't tell us what this hospital needs, we know better than anyone what this hospital needs." His blue eyes shot daggers at Jackson who was trying to stay calm.

"We need more doctors to attract more patients" added Callie with a calm demeanor "everyone thinks that we can't offer a Harper Avery so we better have a nice funding for them"

"Or someone could win a Harper Avery" mentioned Arizona more to herself than at the other board members.

"We can't! It doesn't matter how good our research project is" Meredith crossed her arms thinking about Cristina and how she lost the award to an ass who couldn't tell what the difference was between a knee and an elbow.

"Well we need to get that money from somewhere" growled Jackson, exasperated with the whole meeting.

"Well we could work instead of discussing about money" Alex stood up and went to the door "Arizona, you coming?"

"Yup" she stood up and awkwardly left with Alex. They had a surgery programmed on a kid with a benign tumor on his neck.

"Well we are down two members" Meredith shrugged and left the room, followed by Derek and Callie.

"This is going to be the death of me" Jackson sighed as he laid back on his chair. Owen who didn't really like this subject smiled at him and shrugged before leaving to do some work at his office.


	4. Chapter 4

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scars to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. Memories serve as all kind scars, even happy ones, because scars are more than just pain.

Time is irrelevant when a person is unwilling to feel it's pressure. So, why can't we ignore pain? Sure we can try to distract ourselves from pain until it is only a itch. Oh but it will grow stronger. You won't even know when it's vastness is choking you lifeless. Fight it, let other people fight alongside you. Just keep breathing and fight.

Owen stood in his office looking at a paper on his hands. He did not know what it was or why he had picked it up. He just new it needed his attention and thus it would keep him away from his thoughts. He felt as if he just randomly walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge without really knowing why or what he was doing there. He felt empty. Hia mind suddenly blank, but it was far for calm as he didn't want to feel empty and "blank". He needed to do something. Working out hadn't really helped him as he had grown accustomed to exercising and thinking about other important matters. He looked once again at the paper in his without really focusing on it. He kept staring at it until he discarded it on his desk. The usual stacks of paperwork had lessened their might as he had been working harder than ever. Dr. Webber had actually congratulated him on working as hard as he did. Owen sighed and left his office, exhausted with himself. He needed a distraction, something to keep his mind occupied rather than let it soar to the dark corners of his mind. He somehow found himself walking to the board when he heard a familiar voice. He shook his head and closed his eyes hard. His breathing was going fast as was his heartbeat. Owen faked a yawn to force his lungs to calm down and look normal while doing it. He was definitely going crazy. How on earth was he going to hear that voice out of the blue in his hospital?

* * *

"Oh my God! I feel like it has been ages Cristina!" Meredith was walking around with her ipad and forcing interns ans residents to move out her way. Cristina and her had finally gotten a chance to have a facetime call. She was quickly reminded of when Cristina was in Boston and they had keep in touch with the marvel that technology was.

"Oh come on Mer it has only been a couple of weeks" Cristina waved her hand dismissively at the camera while taking a sip of her coffee.

"Weeks! It's been more than a month Cristina Yang! I would kill you if it wasn't for the fact that we actually texted each other during this month" Meredith stopped for a while to tell a resident to check on her post ops. Yes Meredith Grey was an active surgeon again. "Where are you? It looks fancy?" Meredith frowned slightly and made her way to check the board.

"Oh this is my new office" Cristina stood up from her desk and picked up the ipad to show Meredith the office "It has all the essentials, a couch, a hanger, a place for my future prizes" The shelf was actually the home of a couple of pictures she had printed out. There was a picture of her with a fish on her arms and of her with Meredith and Zola at a tea party. A box was also laying there as if it was part of the decorations. "A desk and an amazing view of Zurich" Meredith smiled at the fact that Cristina actually had a picture of that day in her office.

"Who would have thought that Cristina Yang would have a picture of her at tea party on her office?" Meredith teased her with a knowing smile, a big cheesire smile.

"Oh shut up Mer or I'll hide it in a box"

Meredith looked up to see Owen with wide eyes in front of the board leaning back against the nurse's station almost casually. Meredith was going to say something until he yawned and walked away before she could utter a sound.

"Mer? Something wrong?" Cristina had realized her friend had become suddenly quiet as she stared at something.

"No nothing I was just looking at the board" Meredith smiled at Cristina letting her know that everything was fine, Cristina frowned not quite believing her. "So how's Zurich?" Meredith distracted her with a question and Cristina started talking about the 3D printers and Zurich.

* * *

His mind was definitely playing with him in a cruel way. Owen was back at the pit where they received 6 people that where brought in after a car crash. It was a family of four and a young couple. The father died in the ambulance of a cardiac arrest. The children where fine expect for a couple of gashes caused by the glass from the broken window.

"Female, 45 year old asian with 3 broken ribs and a gash in her head. She lost consciousness in the ambulance. Stats are stable" Owen rushed to the gurney and quickly took a out a small flashlight to check her pupils.

"Page neuro" he took out his esthetoscope to check her breathing "...and get me does ribs scanned, get me an EGG and check if there are any free ORs she might have some internal breeding so do an MRI." The nurse Owen was talking to nodded and motioned for the other nurses to move her gurney. The couple was taken care of by Kepner so Owen had time to care only about the Asian woman. He new the woman reminded him of Cristina. He new and didn't try to ignore it.

Owen sat on a chair while they where taking the MRI. The woman was completely stable and that was a good sign. The MRI showed a damaged spleen and a broken rib close to puncturing the left lung. He told a nurse to page someone from general and have them meet him in the OR. He entered the OR and waited for general. Meredith entered the OR with her hands raised. The nurses quickly prepared her for the surgery. The patient did indeed resemble Cristina, but the woman on the table had 2 kids and a dead husband. Those kids will now grow without their father, but Owen would make sure their mother was healthy. He wouldn't let her die. Not on his table.

"Hello Owen" she said on an even tone after noticing that Owen hadn't acknowledged her presence. Owen turned and nodded at her direction, apparently he didn't feel her entering the room as he was lost in thought.

"Hey" he smiled at her which showed up in his eyes.

Meredith also smiled at him as they started the surgery. Meredith noticed the woman's appearance after a week and looked at Owen to gauge his mood. As always he seemed totally focused on his work. His eyes never leaving the open incision. If you searched for the word focused on Google you'd see his face right now on the first link. Meredith kept to herself during the surgery, it wasn't a tense environment as they would chitchat every know and then about trivial things. Unbeknownst to Owen, Meredith was studying him. What she saw was a front. He was putting up a I'm-ok front that seemed to be working for him. She knew that poking his front wouldn't be a good idea but letting him go to the dark place wasn't good either.

* * *

"Hey" Meredith greeted Callie at the nurses's station who was scribbling something in a chart.

"Hey" Callie closed her chart and looked at Meredith.

"What do you think of-" Meredith was staring to slowly phrase her answer but was quickly interrupted by Callie.

"Owen?" Meredith nodded, Callie took a moment to think by staring at the crowd "He needs a girlfriend"

"What?" Meredith squinted still confused by Callie.

"Yeah! I mean he isn't the type of guy for one night stands so why not a girlfriend?" Callie shrugged and looked at Meredith with a serious demeanor.

"So you want him to get a girlfriend?" Meredith said each word slowly to make sure of what Callie was saying.

"Who needs a girlfriend?" Asked April just arriving at the nurse station with a chart. Callie and Meredith turned to look at her with wide eyes. "What?"

"Nothing you just scared us?" Mumbled Meredith shaking her head slightly.

"Hey April!" Callie smiled at her devilishly "you work with Owen all the time..."

"Wait you want to get a girlfriend for Dr. Hunt?" Callie nodded and Meredith shook her head.

"I will ask you something since you are his work wife" Callie started to walk towards April and placed a hand over her shoulders.

"Work wife?" What was that? That just sounded wrong and weird in April's mind.

"You and Hunt are the trauma team. He is your work husband. Just like Webber and Bailey." Callie spoke to her as if she was enlightening her on the wonders of the world. Both Meredith and April stared into each other's eyes with the same look of confusion. "So April, what do you think?"

"About what?" About the work wife/work husband thing or the girlfriend thing?

"Do you think he is ready for a girlfriend?"

"No" April got away from Callie in case she wanted to hit her or something.

"No?" Callie asked as if someone had stolen her candy.

"Nope, definitely no" Callie tilted her head in confusion "he is not stable"

"Define stable" spoke Meredith with crossed arms and a small frown, not angry at April but at Owen who clearly wasn't fine if other people though he was not stable.

"He's crankier than ever and I think he isn't sleeping well with the whole the-hospital-needs-me deal" April shrugged awkwardly while looking at a chart in her hands.

"That's it? He is always cranky and not sleeping comes with the job!" Callie looked at both of them "what he needs is a girlfriend"

"Who needs a girlfriend?" Owen asked behind them taking off his green scrub cap and shoving it in his pocket before leaning on a counter to finish a chart.

"Uhmm" the three woman looked at each other surprised, Meredith and April knew that Callie was going to try to be a match maker right away.

"Tommy needs a girlfriend" mumbled April while staring with wide eyes at Owen.

"Tommy?" Owen made a face of confusion and mouthed a "what?" while looking at her.

"Yeah Tommy!" Added Meredith taking his eyes of the nervous April "Tommy from peds, his girlfriend left him and he looks sad and cranky"

"Tommy from peds?" Asked Owen, there was no Tommy in peds. How did he now? Well he was the chief for a reason. "There's no Tommy in peds" April and Meredith paled after he spoke.

"Ok we aren't getting a girlfriend for any Tommy" Callie walked closer to him "I want to get you a girlfriend" Owen squinted and pursed his lips. Meredith and April just stood there silently gaping at Callie. "You are ready Owen! There's no need to be sulking when you could be getting laid with someone. Not from here of course because you are the Chief"

Owen shared a look with a male nurse who stared wide eyed at Callie and Owen. The male nurse silently offered to take the chart and Owen disappeared ninja style while Callie was speaking.

"We could get you a blond chick, one that wants children and... Owen? Owen Hunt where did you go?" She looked around finding no trace of his strawberry blond hair. "I hate it when he disappears like that!"

"Told ya, a girlfriend is not the answer" Meredith looked accusingly at Callie. April just shook her head several times.

* * *

Ready. What does being ready means? It's intangible, but yet we believe in a state of readyness. Prepared, healed, accepting the facts, calm, there are so many ways to define readyness. To him... it means accepting, mainly because he will never be able to forget. He lays there in his bed. Shirtless and looking at the ceiling while he broods. He couldn't take Callie's idea of getting a girlfriend. He wasn't going to break another person's heart in vain only to see if he can get over his problems. Yes he had tried to bury himself in Cristina instead of dealing with their problems. Turns out that sex doesn't solve problems and she accused him of trying of fucking her into submission (which he probably was).

Owen sighed and brushed his hands along his face. He took a deep breath and tried some breathing exercises the shrink gave him years ago. He sat up with crossed legs and his hands on his knees. Closing his eyes was somehow uncomfortable for him, so he stared into a random point in the wall. Breath in. Breath out. Focuse on your heartbeat. Try to keep the mind blank and free of anything else. Control every movement of your body. He yawned and laid back. Still in with his mind in blank he continued focusing on his heartbeat until he fell asleep.

* * *

**So my laptop thinks Mereduth exists and it drives me crazy... hope you liked it ILY. Mereduth. Mereduth. Mereduth. Mereduth. Mereduth. **


	5. Chapter 5

His heart was chasing a dead end. He stood in the dark alley he called life trying to climb like fucking spiderman or destroy the offending walls like hulk himself. He felt like he was being chased by memories, memories to come and of the past. He didn't want them, he wanted her. The problem is that she didn't want anything to do with him! She ran away from him to another damned continent. Didn't even dare say goodbye, to utter the words that haunt him ever since she came to him telling him she was going. She didn't want him. She had waved goodbye from afar, a window was all that had kept them apart... and she just waved. Raised her hand as it wouldn't break him apart piece by piece.

"I need to do something..."

Yes he was broken, shattered, a casquete of what he used to be. She who had put him back together was the one to break him and step all over him with tears streaming down her face. Oh how he wanted to be her tears just to touch her cheeks once again.

Pityful bastard he was, on the verge of tears for someone who simply didn't love him back.

Owen sat up from his bed and quickly prepared to make his way to the hospital. Vengeance is always something a man can turn to. Not towards her because his heart wouldn't be able to handle seen her in any sort of pain. Not after everything that she had been through. Perhaps she was finally happy were she was.

* * *

"Good morning Dr. Hunt?" April smiled at him with her usual kind, sweet smile. Owen grunted in response, he stopped at the nurse's station and picked up a chart. "Something wrong Dr. Hunt?" He stopped for a second what he was doing and forced himself to smile at her and shook his head.

"Nothing," he smiled and returned the chart to the nurse "I'll see you in the pit Dr. Kepner." He nodded and walked away.

April simply stared at his retreating form as Meredith approached her and stood by her side.

"He's not okay Meredith," April unknowingly rubbed her belly.

"He's not," Meredith couldn't help but wonder if what she had in mind was the right to do.

"Maybe we should... nah forget it."

"We should, April." Meredith placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It's what's best for him." Meredith nodded in agreement.

* * *

Blood everywhere, the smell coated the inner parts of his lungs and he could feel the metallic taste in his throat. He wanted to vomit, to get away from this dying man in order to get some air. A bomb had exploded on a building full of soldiers and families. The building collapsed and the only thing close to a hospital near the area was the military clinic Owen was currently deployed in.

Woman and children cried in pain or for the dead. Men growled in attempts to keep from screaming and scaring the children. They didn't need screams to scare them, the blood was enough. The first two floors had received the worse. Most died on the scene, does who didn't have the luck to die had enormous wounds. Blood and puss oozed from the wound. Owen worked fast to stop the bleeding and then passing on the patient to another doctor in charge of cleaning and closing.

Inside the wounds you would see dirt, metallic pieces of the bomb, glass and anything else you could find in a building. Owen had taken out shattered organs and cut some others in half to salvage the healthy area and keep the whole organ from becoming necrotic tissue. He had found marbles, coins, metal shards, dirt, small metallic children's toys, jacks and even some rubber and wood. He had taken arms and legs and had felt hearts stop beating beneath his hands.

The worst was a kid, he had cut of his legs and had woken up in extreme pain. Owen had seen the boy crying for his mother and father who had died in the accident. Just when Owen had started to tell him that everything was going to be all right, the boy smiled at him and held a hand to his ear. The boy held his ear and said just one word.

"Lie" the boy's heart stopped beating.

* * *

Owen woke up panting. Again and again, every night he woke up panting. Enraged he grabbed a pillow and threw it across the trailer. He looked at the clock that red 4:37 and sighed. He used the extra time to cook for himself. He went to the pitiful kitchen on the trailer and started looking for ingredients on the fridge.

He hadn't been able to get the groceries in a week and there was not much to eat. He showered and headed to the hospital. He would eat something at the cafeteria, go to his office, and head to the pit when he got bored. After work he would definitely go to buy some food and get some take out to the trailer.

He was a man with a plan.

Too bad he noticed Meredith and April staring at him ever since he entered the hospital. They silently followed him to the cafeteria and waited for him to sit down on a table. When he did, Dr. Katherine Wyatt approached him like a ghost. She didn't make a sound as she neared his presence. It was like the woman had been summoned from thin air and her stare was shooting daggers at his form.

Owen was hunched over his food, he wasn't eating any of it. He just looked at his food knowing what her presence meant for him. Frozen in shock, no not shock or fear... dread; but it wasn't towards her. It was to himself and the situation that was to come.

"Good morning Dr. Hunt, may I sit here?" She spoke with her usual prodding tone. Owen finally acknowledged her presence by looking at her.

"Good morning Dr. Wyatt. Please take a sit." His tone was controlled and it sounded kind. Great Owen, you are doing well.

"You look tired" she said as she sat down slowly.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Wait Doctors are supposed to look tired.

"I just had a long surgery last night," Owen nailed it "a little bit of rest for a life" he smiled at her and shoved a piece of food in his mouth.

"You hesitated." She held her arms on the table and looked at him with the same calculating stare she always had when on her office. Owen made a face like he wanted to utter a "what?" but noting came out. "I'll see you later in the afternoon, Dr. Hunt, have a nice day."

And just like that he was back in therapy. Owen stared at her with wide scared eyes that confirmed the need of some aid. Dr. Wyatt nodded at him and gracefully stood up with her head tall. She left silently, the occupants of the room not caring about her presence.

Owen felt numb as he didn't focus his eyes on anything for a moment. Then it clicked. Anger. He stood up and stormed out of the cafeteria, he caught a glimpse of Meredith and April who he knew would follow him wherever he went. He considered running to the men's bathroom for a moment but quickly brushed it away and stood in an empty hall waiting for them to say something.

They stopped right behind him silently also waiting for him to do something. They could see his tense posture and his tight fists at his sides.

"What?" he asked when they didn't say something. He turned around rather abruptly and shoved his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. "If you don't need anything I have work to do," and with that he left for his office.

Meredith and April stood in the middle of the empty hall gawking at Owen's retreating back.

He hated the sympathetic and guilty look they had on their faces. Like they are somewhat sorry for him.

"What a pitiful bastard," he murmured entering the office and locking himself in until lunch.


End file.
